just remembering a friend.(Ricky Lee Prince)

Ricky lee Prince.  nickname Pretty Ricky by those his age. but i called him Big Ric, He was a beautiful person. He always had a smile and a bear hug for you. for his age he had a wisdom about life and people that was surprising.He loved his family His mom and didn't care if you didn't like it or think it was cool. He never let you see him down he was just happy go lucky. the last night that i saw him he was all smiles and joking and he never hinted that anything was bothering him. every weekend we would all meet at my brothers house and just listen to music and drink a few beers and party and have a good time. dancing in the living room or celebrating a birthday, we always seemed to find a reason to celebrate. i mean we partied. it was not a mild occassion, we would start out just dancing or playing quarters and it would end up in a food fight in the back yard or a massive electric slide on the lawn. and Ric was right there in the center leading the fun. those that loved him and love him still where always there, watching the magic that Ric always seem to bring with him. Most of his friends had known him longer than i had but i loved him just as much as they did, you couldn't help it he was that kind of person.

The morning that my brother called me and told me that he was gone, it was like a punch in the gut. I couldn't hardly speak. You would never have known that anything was bothering Ric, I still can't believe it, How could someone so good and pure and loving be gone? why didn't i see that he needed to talk? why didn't i know that my friend was in pain? I can't help but wonder if i had seen how he was hurting if i could have said or done something that would have made a change in the situation. 

I miss him and think of him often. He was My friend, My buddy, and My Big Ric. And I miss My Friend.

I love you Ric and I know that Your Friends love you because they can't forget you. You Are UNFORGETTABLE!!

Introducing my middle brother: David

As kids he was my playmate, friend, and sparring partner. we would start out playing and end up trying to see how much pain we could inflict on each other, and see who would say uncle first. he usuallly won. lol
As we grew up he got interested in girls and i was lost for awhile. he left and went to Germany when he was in the military and I really felt lost. I never thought i would miss him as much as i did. I wanted to have those times with him that you share with your siblings during the teen years. But he was gone and I found myself missing him all the time.
then I came home one day and my mom said that David and his new german wife was coming home. and I was stoked. I went and stayed with him a month while he lived in fort eustus virginia. and we tried to make up for those years we lost but thats hard to do when he was married with 2 kids but we got close as we could and had alot of fun making up for lost time.
when he got out of the military, and my mom told me he was moving back home i was so happy. and what was so great is that he lived in walking distance so i could see him as much as i wanted. thats when we became close. but nothing good last forever and he told me he was moving back to germany for a few years cause his wife was homesick, and i tried to understand but i didn't really want to.
so back to life without my best buddy. and I thought this time he won't come back home. (not to stay)
But he called my dad one day after what seemed like forever and said that his life their had changed and he was getting divorced and he was coming home. when i saw him for the first time after he came back it was bitter sweet. i was so glad he was home but i could see the pain he was going through. and i felt so helpless. I had to fix him somehow. and the only thing i knew to do was make him laugh. so he come to stay with me and during the daylight hours we tried to laugh and have fun. and at night when it was toughest for him I tried to be their for him. but i honestly don't know if i did him any good.  but finally things started looking up for him and he started smiling again, and then laughing and he started to come out of it. all during this time we got closer and closer. and he had his flings during this time but you can bet your ass I was stuck to my buddy like glue. finally he discovers the woman that he was meant to be with, and they got married. and great thing about that is that she is my bestfriend so how cool is my life that both of my bestfriends live in the same house. lol I love him we're as close or closer than most brother and sisters are.
he can say something that noone else in the room understands but i get it. and vice versa.
so thats my middle brother.

The Glass house I "LIVED" in.

First let me say this. I do not regret for one minute being raised as a preachers kid. I am gonna try to explain to you what it was like to be a "pk".

first of all being a pk does not make me any better than any other kid. nor does it make me any less human.

Way back before I ever set foot in preschool I understood that I lived in a glass house. noone had to tell me this, and I knew that everything i did was being watched like an ant under a magnifing glass. so with this in mind I never did anything without thinking about the consequences of my actions. and this was intensified by the fact that I was overly self conscience to begin with.
when I was in school I was a wallflower I never said much to anyone. I kept to myself, and I didn't take up for myself not because i was weak, I didn't want to have to go home after getting in a fight or telling someone where the short cut to hell was, and have my dad ask me why he got a phone call from so and so's mother or father, to tell him I did this or that. I didn't have a private moment......ever.
for example: when I was 12 I went out with my brothers to the bowling alley. My brothers ,who at this time where grown and living on their own, stopped and bought ciggarettes as they were both smokers. by the time we got home from having a nice evening bowling, 3 members from our church and a man that didn't attend had called my dad to tell on them.
so alot of people thought i was weak in school because i didn't say much to people when they made fun of me or wanted to pick a fight. but i think I was stronger than most because i had enough self controll not to put a big dent in their head. I lost it a couple of times in school and invited a few to fight it out, but just like an ant under that magnifing glass they don't stand there long waiting to be burned. (fight or flight).
I have had (church members) that without asking my parents took on themselves to cut my hair llike 6 inches of my hair. my mom and dad at that time had never cut my hair. I been punished by people that i hardly knew, just because they were members of the church and thought they had the right.
It always seemed to me that as a child i didn't have a childhood. My dad use to say that my brothers and i always acted like little grownups. because we were so well behaved. so i guess that says it all.
My mom and dad took up for us when people would make stupid comments. they wanted us to be kids but the Glass house we lived in was just to overwhelming for us.
On my 18th birthday my dad gave me something that, God bless him i will cherish the rest of my life. He Told me "You are a grownup now and everything that you do from this day forward you are RESPONSIBLE
for. Now i know that don't sound like a gift but to me it was. because I didn't have to live my life in fear that someone would go tell my parents on me or that my actions would be scrutinized, because in giving me the responsibility my father also gave me the choice not to care what people thought or did. from that day forward my attitude was fuck em. I lived the first 18 years of my life to please others and from now on I live for me. I know that sounds like a shitty attitude. but I have lived my life with more honesty since then,than I had my whole life until that point.
I don't understand why pk's are held to a higher standard than other kids. what has brought this newest installation to my blog is this. I had put a post in my status on Facebook. It read" have you ever wanted to punch someone in the throat and laugh while they lay on the floor floppin like a fish" and one of the acquantances that my Dad use to pastor, who was in my friendlist made the statement I thought you where a preachers kid.Please tell me. Does the fact that i am a preachers kid make me encappable of having human emotions or does this person honestly think that preachers kids are reallly suppose to be perfect people all the time. please tell me what warped planet this person is living on.if its the fact that I am somehow expected to live my life as Jesus did. lets talk about that for a minute. Paul in the bible said ( and I'm paraphrasing) I know the right thing to do but i don't always do it. he was a Diciple. and he couldn't be perfect. and he spent time with Jesus Christ Himself over 2000 years ago. But me a "preachers kid" I'm suppose to be perfect. and while we're on the subject of the bible, let me say this that same Bible that I am so harshly judged by. also say that you should not judge others. But I guess when it comes to the right and wrong of the bible that it only applies to us oh so holy and perfect pk's.
So this is My public announcement to the whole world .... If you live under this delusion that because someone's father is a minister, that they are automactically suppose to be perfect people and never have lapses of judgement or just the stronge urge to punch a hole in someones head. I have one question and a comment. question.Who gives YOU the right to judge anyone? Only God can judge me and he hasn't appointed but one person to be judge. and Your not Jesus Christ . so it ain't you.and the comment is this, get the fuck over yourself i am who i am and if you don't like me...... do you really think that matters to me. its like the saying goes those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
so if you see me smoke a ciggarette or drink a shot of whiskey or cuss someone out in public remember that thing you did behind close doors that you don't won't anyone to know about. cause Gods gonna judge you for being that hypocrit just like he's gonna judge me for being a Sinner in public. I love life hiding nothing and one thing that i can honestly say i might be a bitch, and a smoker and a drinker and a cusser but I'm not a hypocrit. now i hope that this has enlighted a few and it helps future pk's not be judged so harshly by those who want you to believe they are angelic.

introducing My family. My Sista.

I call her my Sista because we are not really sisters by blood but she is my middle brothers wife. and the closest thing to a sister that i have ever had. I have known her since she was 8 years old and from the time i first met her I knew that she was only in this friendship for one reason. that was my brother David. she told me then she was gonna marry him and she did. but over the years she has become my bestfriend. she is brash and honest and mouthy and outspoken and i love every bitchy minute i spend with her.she is my etherial twin. I think it, she says it, and vice versa.
she is the kind of person that speaks her mind and has no respect for those who don't, " if you are thinkin' it you might as well say it" thats what she says.and i do, we can dissagree passionatly and not get angry at each other. we both live with the belief that your opinion is yours and you have a right to it. and i have a right to mine.

she is a fantastic "inlaw" although i hate calling her that.She is more like family and
I always have such a good time when we get together.
I realize that I am blessed to have a Sis in law like her.  I have a sister and bestfriend all in one.

first: introductions

My name is Kimikai, Kim for short. I am the daughter of a retired minister.... but wait , thats not really all i am.
I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, singer, care taker of elderly parents, lover, friend, poet,  dog lover, and on the rare occasion a total genuis.. lol not really.
I can have some strange views on things. or at least i think i do.I can be a total bitch and sometimes i'm a sweatheart.  but for the most part I'm just like everyone else.... confused and overwhelmed by this thing thats called life.
I spent alot of my life pondering the question, what is my purpose here. am i suppose to do some great thing before i leave here. what are my abilities and how the hell do i use the ability to laugh  to make some big difference in this world. because laughing  is the thing i feel i do best.
I'll be the first to admit that i am a goof ball and I learned early in life, that  laughing can break the ice in most situations. .. (However there are appropriate times for it... lol I don't recommend laughing at funerals and during sex with ... well lets not go there just don't laugh during sex is all i'm saying)
But honestly laughing is a way to break down barriers. not laughing at people but with them. i have found that humor like music and love are universal.
now i know this is my first post and i want to clarify that my blog is not just about laughing. i just depends what happens to be gurgling in this jello i call a brain. you never know with me. today it may be laughing tomorrow it could be why labels on some items are just so dumb. any way. if you want to read my random, meaningless thoughts you've come to the right blog. lol
Back to introductions. I am 44 years old and i have been married for almost 19 years to my high school sweatheart. I have 2 brothers both older than me.but i feel like the oldest. lol (subject for another day).
I have 2 dogs. they are my kids. and spoiled as are most kids. lol.
My parents are my hero's they are just plain good souls. yes they made their share of mistakes as parents but when you can show me perfect parents.... I'll show you someone who is not completly truthful. I was blessed with my mom and dad.  and my 2 brothers. I wouldn't change growing up with them for nothing in the world.
well i can't think of anything brilliant so i'll end this blog  but as Arnold would say "I'll be back"