The Glass house I "LIVED" in.

First let me say this. I do not regret for one minute being raised as a preachers kid. I am gonna try to explain to you what it was like to be a "pk".

first of all being a pk does not make me any better than any other kid. nor does it make me any less human.

Way back before I ever set foot in preschool I understood that I lived in a glass house. noone had to tell me this, and I knew that everything i did was being watched like an ant under a magnifing glass. so with this in mind I never did anything without thinking about the consequences of my actions. and this was intensified by the fact that I was overly self conscience to begin with.
when I was in school I was a wallflower I never said much to anyone. I kept to myself, and I didn't take up for myself not because i was weak, I didn't want to have to go home after getting in a fight or telling someone where the short cut to hell was, and have my dad ask me why he got a phone call from so and so's mother or father, to tell him I did this or that. I didn't have a private moment......ever.
for example: when I was 12 I went out with my brothers to the bowling alley. My brothers ,who at this time where grown and living on their own, stopped and bought ciggarettes as they were both smokers. by the time we got home from having a nice evening bowling, 3 members from our church and a man that didn't attend had called my dad to tell on them.
so alot of people thought i was weak in school because i didn't say much to people when they made fun of me or wanted to pick a fight. but i think I was stronger than most because i had enough self controll not to put a big dent in their head. I lost it a couple of times in school and invited a few to fight it out, but just like an ant under that magnifing glass they don't stand there long waiting to be burned. (fight or flight).
I have had (church members) that without asking my parents took on themselves to cut my hair llike 6 inches of my hair. my mom and dad at that time had never cut my hair. I been punished by people that i hardly knew, just because they were members of the church and thought they had the right.
It always seemed to me that as a child i didn't have a childhood. My dad use to say that my brothers and i always acted like little grownups. because we were so well behaved. so i guess that says it all.
My mom and dad took up for us when people would make stupid comments. they wanted us to be kids but the Glass house we lived in was just to overwhelming for us.
On my 18th birthday my dad gave me something that, God bless him i will cherish the rest of my life. He Told me "You are a grownup now and everything that you do from this day forward you are RESPONSIBLE
for. Now i know that don't sound like a gift but to me it was. because I didn't have to live my life in fear that someone would go tell my parents on me or that my actions would be scrutinized, because in giving me the responsibility my father also gave me the choice not to care what people thought or did. from that day forward my attitude was fuck em. I lived the first 18 years of my life to please others and from now on I live for me. I know that sounds like a shitty attitude. but I have lived my life with more honesty since then,than I had my whole life until that point.
I don't understand why pk's are held to a higher standard than other kids. what has brought this newest installation to my blog is this. I had put a post in my status on Facebook. It read" have you ever wanted to punch someone in the throat and laugh while they lay on the floor floppin like a fish" and one of the acquantances that my Dad use to pastor, who was in my friendlist made the statement I thought you where a preachers kid.Please tell me. Does the fact that i am a preachers kid make me encappable of having human emotions or does this person honestly think that preachers kids are reallly suppose to be perfect people all the time. please tell me what warped planet this person is living on.if its the fact that I am somehow expected to live my life as Jesus did. lets talk about that for a minute. Paul in the bible said ( and I'm paraphrasing) I know the right thing to do but i don't always do it. he was a Diciple. and he couldn't be perfect. and he spent time with Jesus Christ Himself over 2000 years ago. But me a "preachers kid" I'm suppose to be perfect. and while we're on the subject of the bible, let me say this that same Bible that I am so harshly judged by. also say that you should not judge others. But I guess when it comes to the right and wrong of the bible that it only applies to us oh so holy and perfect pk's.
So this is My public announcement to the whole world .... If you live under this delusion that because someone's father is a minister, that they are automactically suppose to be perfect people and never have lapses of judgement or just the stronge urge to punch a hole in someones head. I have one question and a comment. question.Who gives YOU the right to judge anyone? Only God can judge me and he hasn't appointed but one person to be judge. and Your not Jesus Christ . so it ain't you.and the comment is this, get the fuck over yourself i am who i am and if you don't like me...... do you really think that matters to me. its like the saying goes those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
so if you see me smoke a ciggarette or drink a shot of whiskey or cuss someone out in public remember that thing you did behind close doors that you don't won't anyone to know about. cause Gods gonna judge you for being that hypocrit just like he's gonna judge me for being a Sinner in public. I love life hiding nothing and one thing that i can honestly say i might be a bitch, and a smoker and a drinker and a cusser but I'm not a hypocrit. now i hope that this has enlighted a few and it helps future pk's not be judged so harshly by those who want you to believe they are angelic.